jacothekiller

After an hour of remorsefully watching her lifeless body lying on the bloodied motel bed, I stood up from the chair just across it. I could not remember how I started my attack on her. For I was in delta state when I got up from bed and took the balisong from her bag while she was asleep. How did I even know she was carrying one inside? The thought of it baffled me. With that, I just chose to believe that He came into me while I was asleep and controlled my body to initiate the act of eradicating the damned whore. As I stared at her face, I noticed her lips was now pale. Those sweet sad lips. Hours earlier, I remember she warned me not to kiss her for our cohabitation was purely for sex. Paid sex. She made it clear. That irritated me a bit, for I hungered for sex with intimacy.

I picked up one of the bathroom towels and proceeded to the toilet to have it soaked with water. I came back and did my best to try to cleanly wipe up her naked body to remove any kind of evidence that may link her death to me. It took me almost an hour cleaning the whole room by washing off any trace of my fingerprints, from door handles, the TV, the furnishings, even the faucet knobs in the bathroom. The condom I used was still in the trash bin, so I took the whole garbage bag inside it, stuffed the damp towel and bloodied bed sheet and blanket inside and tied it up to close it. I wanted to bring the garbage bag with me but it was obviously too clear showing the blood inside. It was good that the bag she brought with her was a nifty unisex backpack, for I decided to stuff the whole garbage bag inside and take it along with me. Now the next problem was how to sneak out of the cursed motel. 

The room attendant guy who showed us inside when we checked in would still recognize me...

Kill! Kill those who may oppose. Kill those who may stop you from your mission! 

Carefully I opened the motel room door with toilet paper wrapped around my fingers, I saw the room attendant just a few steps away from the door sitting on a stool. I turned back in to turn off the lights of the motel room and called his attention with the excuse of needing help with the TV set. As he got up from his stool and headed towards me, I readily had the balisong firmly grasped in my right hand. 

You are my most favored and faithful servant. I am proud.

Again God came and took over my body and I had full power and strength of a hundred men. I could not remember how I was able to kill him, I only recall flashes of light and a piercing pain inside my head that I began to learn to endure... his manly shriek then gargle. When I regained full consciousness, I switched on the lights of the room and there he was, lying on the floor with his eyes frozen wide with fright. Blood seeping out of his neck. A large cut straight across his throat. It was difficult for him to scream for help. Again I had to clean him up to remove any trace of my fingerprints, but I needed to do it more quickly before someone else started looking for him. I took his shirt off, soaked it with water and wiped his arms and neck even while blood still flowed out from him. I began shaking and felt nauseated from the sight of all this blood, and the slight stench of it. No. I can't panic now. I need to stay focused and get out quickly without being noticed. I took the other towel and had a quick shower to remove any bloodstains from my body. Then I wore all my clothes and stuffed the guy's bloodied shirt and the second towel inside her bag, and carefully wrapped my fingers with toilet paper again, took the whole roll and the bag, and headed out of the door. Everything was left clean from any trace of me. I hope. God is on my side now. And He will be there to make sure of it.

Luckily, it was still dark outside. I checked my watch and it was 4:44 am. I hastily crept within the shadows to avoid being seen. The exit was just a few meters away. The security guard was asleep on his chair. I quickly but silently walked past behind him and succeeded in getting out without being seen. I walked for 5 long blocks and hailed a taxi. The cab dropped me off somewhere in Cubao. I walked a few more blocks from there, waited and hailed another taxi. This time, I was heading home.

Then I burned the bag and its contents.

I am proud.

jacothekiller

I woke up this morning with a splitting headache. Last night, God came to me in my dreams again and he was angry at me for not continuing my mission in a timely manner. He said I should continue shedding the blood of the damned or I myself would be damned for all eternity. He said he will start punishing me by giving me constant pain in my head which gradually becomes more painful if I further delay my mission. Lately I have been so busy in the office and I go home immediately after work so I did not have much time to seek and hunt the damned. 

A part of me has been doubting my faith, for I feel somewhat guilty for my actions. A part of me thinks that I must be crazy for thinking like this. But I truly believe that it is He who came to me and called upon me to serve Him. I truly feel His presence and His power, and I believe that He is indeed God. He who is everything, everywhere and everlasting.

I must not doubt Him. Must not even think of it. It is crazy for me to even write this but this is the only way I can express my feelings and thoughts.

Tomorrow night will be good time to seek and hunt the damned.

jacothekiller

My hands are shaking.
I remember vaguely how the night of my first kill went. I could not sleep well the previous nights before that night. The most I could do is just 3 hours. On some nights, awoke with a feeling of uncertainty on my consciousness... for I could not tell whether I was still dreaming or was I fully awake. That night I slept as early as 8 pm... but woke up around 10 pm after a voice in my head whispered:

Kill!

I tried my best to go back to sleep but I just tossed and turned for almost 15 minutes. Angrily, I decided to get out of bed and go on-line. Perhaps a browsing some boring websites or chatting with unknown, dull and simple minded girls would help bore myself back to sleep. Surfing the websites didn't help, so I logged into DALnet, using the mIRC. The old school way. The best way to chat anonymously. 

I remember how she caught my attention. She put an announcement message in the #makati channel, telling the others she's looking for a nice guy who is willing to help a troubled girl. As a veteran user of the IRC, I knew that a message like that means she's looking for a guy who can pay her for sex. A fucking whore. So I thought, this girl is probably so simple minded enough to bore me out. I was wrong though, she was simple minded... but she didn't bore me at all. My original plan was just to waste her time from looking for a potential customer, by acting as someone interested in her and had money to burn, suggest to meet up with her but eventually not to show up at all. She wasn't good looking, nor was she ugly. She looked like an ordinary college girl who needed some quick cash. She wore nothing fancy or unusual. As I said, she didn't bore me, for our conversation was too raunchy for me to handle, and my girlfriend broke up with me months before that night, so I haven't gotten laid in quite a while. It was also a payday, so indeed I had cash to burn.

So I found myself in a cab 30 minutes later, on my way to meet her. Apparently I gave in to her vile raunchiness, and exchanged cellphone numbers and also agreed to pay her for sex. She was a cheap whore. She only asked for 1k. So desperate to feel another woman's flesh with mine, and the need for that release of tension... I agreed almost immediately.  We arranged our meeting place to be near the internet cafe she was at, somewhere in Mandaluyong city. It was perfect because it was along a road where we can get a quick ride by taxi to any of those seedy motels in the Sta Mesa area. Before meeting her, I stopped by a nearby 711 and bought a pack of cigarettes and a box of rubbers. Shortly we met around 1 am.

Hastily we hailed a cab and went further on to a motel in Sta Mesa. The taxi brought us inside and we rushed into our room in a flash. We had a short conversation on a topic which I don't remember for my thoughts were really into  getting her out of her clothes. Well, I had no trouble at all, for at the end of our uninteresting conversation, she went businesslike and asked for the money first as she started taking off her pants. She was a petite girl but had a great body. I was so filled with lust, we had sex for a couple times. I also wanted to make sure I got more than my money's worth. After the tiresome deed, we dozed off by the sound of the TV and by the smoke of our cigarettes. 

Kill! 

I was in a green meadow, sitting under a tree looking at the grass swaying slowly from the breeze. Small yellow butterflies fumbling on going against the wind. The sky was clear blue above the horizon, and the sun was up as if it was in the early part of the morning. I blinked and saw an object coming towards me from the direction of the sun, a silhouette of a man in robes. I closed my eyes because of the pain caused by the sunlight. I felt a more cooler breeze blow against my face, and a tingling sensation at the back of my spine. I slowly opened up my eyes with my right palm slightly shading it from the sunlight. I tried to look for the man and get a good glimpse of him but he was no longer there. Then I heard someone whisper to my right ear:

Kill!

I saw the man was sitting beside me, his back also against the trunk of the tree. He was wearing a clean white robe. I could not make or recognize his face. Everything becomes so blurry every time when I tried to see his face. He said to me in a whispering voice:

Kill! Kill for me. She is evil. She fornicates for money. She is greedy. She is evil. Kill for me!
I am He who brought you to this world. I am He who possesses your faith . I am the 
light and the path for you to follow... Kill for me! For in death there is Glory!
Be my most loyal apostle... Kill to annihilate evil! 
Kill!

He handed a dagger to me. It was a used and bloodstained balisong. I took it and closed my eyes again...

Kill! 

As I closed my eyes, a painful flash of random images burst inside my mind. It pierced my thoughts and in my head it was painful. As if an invisible hand was pinching the insides of my brain. I saw blood, a lot of blood and eyes staring at me with a frightened expression. As my view of those eyes broadened, I saw the backside of my left palm just beneath those eyes... covering the nose and mouth. Eyes that I began to recognize. Eyes of the girl. 

I couldn't control myself. I found myself punching her uncontrollably with my right hand as I was leaning upon her soft body. I then realized I had something in my hand, a sharp object... and I was actually stabbing her with it. I stabbed her maybe four times or even more, I could not remember. For everything was so fast. Everything was a blur. My right hand pressed harder against her face, for my sense of hearing was coming back, and I could hear her trying to scream out with all her breath. I saw tears running from eyes... at that sight, I became teary eyed as well, but I continued stabbing her a few more times and held her mouth and nose tightly, making it impossible for her to breathe. I began to feel pain around my arms and back. Pain from the punches and scratches she gave to fend me off. I guess I was too strong for her. I couldn't believe I became so strong so suddenly that I overcame her. My eyes still met with hers. And the frightened expression in her eyes froze as I felt her last breath escape through the crevices of my palm. That is when I knew she was dead. And I killed her... with my bare hands.

I am proud.

I heard Him whisper to me. I kissed her lightly on the lips then I stood up away from her lifeless body and glanced the bloody mess I have created. I studied the sharp object in my right hand that I used to stab her with. It was the same balisong He had handed to me in my dream. God gave me an instrument to complete my mission. From then on, I felt that my life now has a meaning...

...my life now has a purpose...

...a purpose to kill... in the name of God.

Death. A word that is feared by most people. I was also afraid of death when I was younger. Not until one day, I committed a serious crime, and brought death to two innocent people. I really didn't want it happen. But it just did, so spontaneously... so quick... I couldn't rewind my actions.

Before IT occurred, I was just a simple guy with simple desires. I grew up from a nice and peaceful neighborhood in the province. Brought up by a good and decent family. We were not poor, nor were we rich. I had good loving parents who gave me what I need, for I was the only child. At school, I was the kind of kid who would just sit at the back of the classroom, the kid who didn't make any noise, the kid who never bullied and was never bullied. I was the kid who never brought any attention, didn't do any harm to others.

My life before IT was mediocre. I graduated cum laude in a reputable university. I was able to get a high paying managerial position in the Business process outsourcing industry. As for having intimacy with the opposite sex, I was lucky to have met and dated a couple of girls whom I took seriously. Our relationships were of the normal sort... the usual love and hate... the usual quarrels and kiss and make ups.

The only thing that was missing before was my faith. I was an atheist. I belong to no religion. And I was happy for it.

That was before, but now I have changed.
That was when God came into my life...

... and gave me my purpose for living...

... He commanded me to Kill.


I am a bit ashamed for taking their lives. But it was what He commanded me to do. It is my calling. It is His will that I bring death to them... and His will be done.

I am sure that it will be shocking for some people to know that I kill in His name. Many will not accept that. Even the authorities (who are still trying to find me) would not accept that as my motive. But my intent to kill is purely simple. God tells me that death is a natural part of life... whether it be by natural or unnatural causes. For this, I serve in His name.

The reason why I started writing this here, is purely to redeem myself from self-infliction of guilt. Because I feel a bit guilty for having committed murder. To express myself and state my views on the deaths that my hands brought and will bring. Through this blog, one can fully understand my reasons for killing. One can also fully realize that I am an artist who is enlightened by Him... and will do the much loathed act for Him.

As an artist... death is my work of art.